Yesterday, at church, the topic was "God's antidote to damaged emotions." How appropriate, I thought, I can relate to damaged emotions. My emotions lately have gotten a run for their money. I have had my share of ups and downs. The pastor used David as an example and how he dealt with the loss of a child. I know how David must have felt when he prayed and prayed because it was all he could do. The helpless feeling you have when someone you love is clinging to life and you can't do anything else. I am struggling with the rest of the story. I know that God is in control and that He has bigger plans. The part that is probably the hardest is accepting what I can't change. I often find myself thinking that circumstances aren't real and I am going to wake up because it is all a bad dream. He also said to focus on what you have not what is lost. This also is hard for me. Sometimes I feel like everything is meaningless and then I start to take it out on those I love the most.
I have also been very overwhelmed by emotion of a different kind. I know that I have mentioned that after we lost Mandy, Bill lost his job. He has been looking, sending out resumes, going on interviews, etc. But it is tough out there. That is about where my emotions come in. I am overwhelmed because we have so many great people in our lives who have really been there for us in our time our time of need. We are blessed to be a part of a church that truly cares about its people and show Gods love in so many ways. One of the job opportunities Bill had may require moving to Texas. I told him this morning that I can't even think about moving. I am at a time in my life where I wouldn't want to move to a strange place and start all over. I have never been so broken but at the same time felt so much love by those I call friends. I want to say thank you to all of you for everything you have done, you have no idea how you have touched my life.