How would you feel if...

I knew the question was coming. I knew in my mind it would only be a matter of time. I didn't know when but I wasn't expecting it yesterday.

July is not an easy month for me anymore. I don't think I live in the past. I don't dwell on things. I have tried to get on with life. I don't think it is taking me too long because I don't think I ever will get over it. Some days are harder than others but most I get by. No words can express to you how much I love my sister and how very much I miss her. Not a day goes by, that I don't. I have great friends who try to help me through, they listen to me and let me cry. But sometimes, I don't know how to move on. I don't know how to accept the next phase of life.

***

"How would you feel if Jon brought a date with him this weekend?"

With a lump in my throat and holding back the tears...

I know that I can't expect him to be alone forever.

"Nothing serious, just a friend."

I don't know what you expect my answer to be. I don't know how I feel. I can't just go replace my sister!

"He's not asking you to and

he wants to be sensitive to you."

It is the wrong weekend for me. I really don't know how I feel about it.

"Okay, I guess that answers my question."

Okay

(click)

Off the phone, up to my room, and the uncontrollable tears flow and flow and flow.

I guess that was my answer, no, I am not ready.

I love Jon and I know he is lonely and hurting but I am glad he understands.

Maybe someday...

Oh...

just because I thought it was cute and it's my blog and I can do what I want!

He'll be a butterfly, someday

but for now he is my caterpillar.

"Why?!?!"

Seems to be the word of the month!

"Do you love me?"....why?

"Dad, do you have to go to work?"....why?

"Tyler, am I your buddy?"....why?

"Is it raining outside?"....why?

I don't always have all the answers to his questions but today when he was standing on my feet dancing with me in the kitchen and looked up at me and said,

"Mom, do want me to stay little?"

I knew the answer

"Yes, son, you know that I do."

"Why?"

"Because if you get too big you won't be able to stand on my feet and dance with me."

The day is coming when it will all be a memory. He is going to spread his wings and fly.

I heard this song today and as I fought back tears I thought on my kids...

"You're gonna be"

by Reba McEntire

6lbs and 9oz. lookin' up at me

Like I have all the answers

I hope I have the ones you need

I've never really done this,

now I know what scared is

Sometimes I'll protect you from everything that's wrong

Other times I'll let you just find out on your own

But that's when you'll be growin',

And the whole time I'll be knowin

(chorus)

You're gonna fly, with every dream you chase

You're gonna cry, but know that that's okay

Sometimes life's not fair, but if you hang in there

You're gonna see that sometimes bad is good

We just have to believe things work out like they should

Life has no guarantees, but always loved by me

You're gonna be

I'm afraid you'll have to suffer through some of my mistakes

Lord knows I'll be trying to give you what it takes

What it takes to know the difference

Between getting by and livin'

‘Cause anything worth doing is worth doing all the way

Just know you'll have to live with all the choices that you make

So make sure you're always givin' way more than you're takin'

(chorus)

You're gonna be

Someone's everything

You're gonna see

Just what you are to me

You're gonna fly with every dream you chase

We just have to believe things work out like they should

Life has no guarantees, but always loved by me

You're gonna be

Always loved by me

The rest of the story...

Thursday morning we packed up the kids and headed to Columbus. We planned on going to Cosi and then off to the zoo on Friday morning. Thursday went as planned. Cosi is a very "hands on" place and the kids really enjoyed it.

Isaiah was in waterpipe heaven! The point was to build a waterline from the wall spigot to the metal bowl. He eventually got there with a little help from daddy!

This is Tyler using a pulley to pull himself up.

They got to climb down into a submarine.

Tyler is riding the Gravity Unicyle. It was a unicyle on a tight wire that you rode back and forth from the second floor...he was a little nervous but he set aside his fear of heights and went for it!

This was another pulley and, yes, they really did lift that car!

After that it was off to the hotel for some pizza and swimming. I don't know why but my kids love to stay in hotels.

Friday morning we headed to the zoo. The weather man said it wasn't going to rain until that evening, he was wrong! We got to the zoo and decided to see the aquarium first when we came out it was pouring! So, we ran from one building to the next hoping that when we came out of one the rain would stop but, no such luck. We then went, had our hand stamped so we could reenter if we wanted and took the kids to see The Karate Kid. (I had to laugh the other day when a friend said her kids had carnival food for dinner because my kids had popcorn for lunch this day! Terrible, I know!). After the movie, the rain actually stopped so we went back to the zoo. We ended up enjoying the rest of our day that rain wasn't going to bring us down!

Oh, and by the way, we stopped and had a huge dinner on the way home! One way to guarantee your kids will finish dinner...feed them popcorn at lunch!
(Really, I don't recommend that!)

Our little vacation

Bill took last week off work and we decided to take advantage of our time together.

We packed a lunch and went to the Akron zoo on Tuesday. It is a nice way to spend an afternoon.

On Wednesday, we took the kids to the Natatorium to go swimming. They have a really nice pool with a water slide and a kiddie area. Tyler and Jacob really enjoyed the slide. Joshua was just an inch to short but he didn't care, he spent his time in the kiddie pool with Isaiah. I am so impressed by this picture of Isaiah, to get him to look at the camera when you take his picture is a good day but to get in looking and smiling...that is a miracle!

We spent the next two days in Columbus. We had a really good time and we were not about to let the weather rain on our parade!

More on that later...

What a lovely start

to summer vacation!

I started our summer vacation out in the hospital. I had a bladder infection that turned into a kidney infection that was being resistant to antibiotics. Found out I am allergic to some medication and passed a kidney stone somewhere along the way! That is an experience I do not want to go through again. To top it off they were dragging their feet about releasing me even though they told me the infection had cleared up. My husband had to go in there and pretty much tell them to take the IV out of my arm because he was taking me home.

Then, last night someone vandalized our pool. The one thing that makes our kids happiest over summer vacation now has a 3 inch puncture in the side. Bill is out there draining it, patching it, and refilling it. I don't think I have to tell you how happy he is!

It is only Day 3 of summer vacation, I hope this isn't a sign of how it is going to be!