Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Life's about changes...

I have always struggled with change. I do not like anything that messes with the way I am used to things. 
I have had to make quite a few adjustments in life but when things get back to "normal" I don't like the sudden interruption. 
It probably sounds selfish, doesn't it?
I don't mean for it to.
I have to find a way to cope with some things but it means closing a door that I don't want to close. A door that I don't even want there. A door that was "ajar" and I had learned to live with it. 
Everyday, I read about or hear about changes, people I know and people I don't know, are going through. Life can be hard, who am I kidding life is hard! 
The bible says, "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end." A couple verses later it says, "I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so people will fear him."
(Ecclesiastes 3:11 and 14)
It's the "in time" part that is hard. I know that God will make something beautiful. I have to learn God's time, not my time. I often question how much time? When does the hurt stop? How do I accept change?
I am still learning, I stumble, I cry, but I will get through.
As I was driving yesterday I heard a song that said,
"I won't give you more
more than you can take
And I might let you bend
but I won't let you break."
I know that I am being shaped into the person God wants me to be. It is a lifelong process. I will some out on the other side standing. 
Thank you to those who have listened to me cry and have wiped my tears. 
I can't change the way things are but I do know God is creating something beautiful in His time. I need to remember that when something causes me to bend.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

There are angels among us...

When my sister saw that Joshua was a "blanket baby" she started making blankets for all the kids hoping that one of them would carry around a blanket she made. Joshua was already attached to his blankets but Isaiah started carrying one. 
After years of being loved, chewed on and dragged everywhere, it was down to it's last strings. He came to me and said, "Mom, why can't Aunt Mandy come down from heaven and fix this blanket for me? I love this blanket and it's no fair why can't God send her back?" 
I knew I had to fix it but I didn't know how. I wasn't sure I wanted to. I thought I could just put it up and give it to him when he was older but he wasn't having that.
So, I asked a friend from church. She knew exactly how to fix it and said it would be an honor.
Yesterday, we went to pick it up. The look on his face was priceless, he held that blanket all the way home and slept with it last night. When he woke up this morning he said, "I don't want to go to school today, I want to spend some more time with my blanket."
Mandy was always worried that Isaiah wouldn't remember her because he was so young. But not a day goes by when he doesn't mention her. He has woke up in the morning and said to me "Mom, I talked to Aunt Mandy last night." He is too young to make that up, I believe that blanket is his connection to her, somehow through holding on to that blanket, he holds on to her. 
She has left a legacy in the hearts of my children that will never die. 
"Mom, I wish Aunt Mandy could see me now that I am six."
She does...

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Life's about changes...

This week started a new phase in my life.
I am home alone for the first time in eleven years! I can't stand the quiet some days but on the bright side I have been able to complete some jobs that really needed done.
This year my oldest baby started his senior year. I can not believe it, just yesterday I was holding my baby boy. Now, with a full beard :-/ he is in his last year of high school! This year will be hard for me, I would keep them babies forever. I hope I have done all I could to get him ready for the next chapter in his life!

 My youngest baby has started first grade! He will be seven soon, I guess I must have blinked because I  don't know how this happened either! Joshua started third grade and Jacob is now in fourth grade. Just to think middle school is right around the corner makes me cringe! 
Minutes, hours, days, then years...
Life never seems to slow down.
I read somewhere not too long ago to slow down, enjoy your kids where they are they won't be there long. Oh, how I know this is true...
Almost eighteen years has past since I first became a mom never once do I ever remember wanting my kids to hurry and grow up. It happens soon enough!
I love you Tyler, Jacob, Joshua, and Isaiah!!!
Remember no matter how old you are you will always be my babies! There will never be anything you can do to change that! 

Sunday, August 19, 2012

I guess you never know...

when somebody is following you!
Not stalking or creeping just following...
your blog that is. 
I was at a football game for Joshua on Saturday and bumped into an old family friend. My mom and her have been friends since the seventh grade! Talk about a long friendship! 
She mentioned that I hadn't blogged in a long time and to tell you the true, I didn't think anyone really read it anyway. Blogging has always been more for me. A way to express myself, something for my kids to read when they get older to remember how crazy they made me!
Anyway, it made me think about my friends. I have found friends through Facebook that I knew in fourth grade! If we had only stayed in touch what an incredible friendship that could have been!  
I have good friends, I really do. I am thankful for them all in their own special way. They have all touched my life in a way that is unique. I have friends who knew me back when and still love me today. I have friends who never forget important days or events in my life. I have friends who take time out of their schedule to spend time with me when I need them.
So, I want to take the time to thank my friends. Thank you for making me important to you! I look forward to the laughter, I am ready for the tears, and cherish all the memories!
Thank you Peggy for the nudge I needed. I look forward to the day my friends and I can look back and say, "I remember when your daughter used to suck her thumb and twirl her hair around her finger."

Wednesday, February 22, 2012


Growing up my dad never really knew his dad. I am not sure of all the details and none of it really matters. People do what they do and they have their reasons and its not for me to judge.
My dad never thought his dad wanted anything to do with him and we come to find out over the years grandpa was afraid of rejection too.
I remember when I was 16 I had a strong desire to find my grandfather. I wanted to know if he was alive. I wanted him to know he had grandkids. I wanted to know him.
So, I set off on a mission...
I wrote a letter to his sister to see if she had known where he was. I wasn't sure what kind of response I was going to get. I prepared myself for the worst but what I got was an answered prayer.
I remember the day the phone rang, one of my brothers answered then yelled,
How embarrassing!
Then I hear the voice on the other end say,
"I hear you are looking for your grandfather?"
"Well, I am your grandfather."
Tears flowed like water.
I couldn't believe it!
He was alive and he called me.
For years he had felt that his family would reject him. Afraid they wouldn't forgive him for what he did.
As the conversation went on I learned he had remarried, where he was living, and how he would love to meet us.
"I wish my dad was home so he could talk to you."
He never thought my dad would return that phone call but he did.
23 years ago my dad reunited with his dad. It had been decades since he last saw him but now their relationship is complete again.
My grandpa will be 91 this year. It has been a blessing to get to know him. It has been great to know my dad has filled a void.
I love stories with happy endings.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Valentine's Day

Yesterday, was Valentine's Day...
I agree with most people, it's a Hallmark holiday. Why not show people you love them all year? I love getting gifts, cards, and flowers just as much as anyone else but if my husband only bought them once a year, does he think about me the other 364?
Why is it that early November the baby nursery at the hospital is full? Why aren't love and passion shown the rest of the year?
Maybe I am being negative, I don't mean to be. This world is in need of people who show love everyday. Maybe the divorce rate wouldn't be so high if your spouse knew you love them 365 days a year. Maybe our children wouldn't look for love somewhere else, in someone else, if they knew their parents love them.
Okay, I am done with my little rant
With that said, I love my husband, I love my kids, I love my family, and I love my friends. If ever any of you don't know that I love you every day feel free to let me know...

But for the record, if Bill ever forgot me on Valentines Day, I might be a little upset!

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

He's gonna have to deal with it!

I can't tell you the times that people have said to me they can't tell Jacob and Joshua apart. I've heard about their strong genes. They have been thought to be twins.
The older they get and the closer in height they get, I can see where it could be confusing.
Joshua, for the past few days, has been into doing his hair in a mohawk. He is so excited to have his own bottle of "glue" and does most of the work by himself. This morning, however, Jacob wanted to have a mohawk too. I am fine with it, it's a passing craze just like everything else! Joshua had the biggest fit! He insisted that he did not want Jacob to look like him and why Jacob couldn't just think of his own hairstyle blah, blah, blah...
I said, "Son, have you ever looked in the mirror? Have your teachers ever called you by the wrong name? You both look alike, you might as well accept it!" The argument went on for the next ten minutes or so. I didn't quite understand what the big deal was, they're brothers they are going to look alike!
I tell them to get their shoes and coats on we have to get to school. I walk outside and they are playing basketball. I later find out that they are making a deal. If Jacob loses, he is not allowed to wear his hair in a mohawk again. If Joshua loses, Jacob is allowed to wear his hair any way he wants. Sounds like they have it all worked out but I promise, this will not end good.
So, the funny part of this whole thing is they were wearing the EXACT same outfits this morning. When I mentioned that fact, "I don't care about that!" is the reply I got.
Who can figure it?
One of these days, they are going to get along.
One of these days they will take it as a compliment that they look alike.
One of these days...

Friday, February 3, 2012

I have been telling Tyler lately...

to walk softly on my heart. It does seem like that long ago that the young man you see today with a full beard was once my baby boy.

I didn't know what to do with him when I brought him home from the hospital. It was hard to imagine being responsible for this new life.

This was always one of my favorite pictures. I loved that face he used to make!

What a handsome boy he was!

I thought if I was going to embarrass him with some old pictures I better throw one in of myself.

Boy, was I mad at him when he took that chunk out of his hair! But it makes a cute picture now.

I have been reminiscing these past few weeks because I can not believe that the little boy I once held in my arms will be eighteen this year. You want them to chase their dreams but that means you have to let go, and I am finding that easier said than done. College is right around the corner and I find myself wondering how do I make it through graduation day?

Soon enough the day comes when he comes home and tells you about his girlfriend. It just crushes your heart. Not because you don't wish him happiness but because you realize that some day someone will become his bride. She will then become the most important woman in his life.

How I would love to hold on.
How I would love to go back and rock that baby boy to sleep.
How I would love to stop time just for a little while but I can't.
I have to learn how to embrace the changes that life brings.
My kids are going to grow up, I always knew that but what I don't know is how to fill the hole it leaves.

I can't always protect them. I can't stop them from being hurt. I can't prevent mistakes they will make. I can only hold them in my arms for a little while. I loved them first and I will always love them. I pray that I have taught them what they need to know when they head out in the world. I hope they know that they will always have a piece of my heart. I hope they know that I will be there for them as long as God gives me breath.

Oh, how I love you Tyler and I always will
but remember my heart is fragile

Thursday, January 19, 2012

A little humor

Okay, how about a little funny. Life doesn't always have to be so serious!
I miss my kids being little and learning to talk. It's funny that once they learn how to say a word right they don't seem to remember saying it wrong. Here is a list of some of the funny ways they used to pronounce some words.
The vocabulary of a Looman boy...
bow-gock; backpack used for carrying kids
twinkling; what it's doing outside when it is barely raining
cheese biggles; cheeseburgers
moat; milk...duh?
hojo; another word for cereal
Bit; for some reason, was what Joshua and Isaiah called Jacob?
Oh-no; what Isaiah called Joshua
Beemah; grandma
Bampaw; grandpa
For Peeten snakes; for Pete's sake
jimming pool; the swimming pool
sha-ber-rees; batteries
skew; screw
skew-guy-ger; would be a screwdriver
I ud you; I love you
res-ter-nont; restaurant
owe owe; oil
strawbiggies; strawberries
ho-tail; hotel
glubs; gloves
ockles; waffles
heggy; heavy
bice-ee; spicy
talkie; coffee
napcan; napkin
dip dop; is a flip flop
eye bulb; eye ball
Let's not forget...
Thomas and Jerry
"put another dime in the "juice" box baby"
Oh, how I miss those days...

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Right where I need to be...

I know it's been said over and over again but with every passing day I find it's true.
As I look back at my life there are times I wanted to
~be someone else
~live somewhere else
~do something else
How I wanted to be rich when I was younger. I wanted to live in that big house like the kids I went to school with. I wanted my parents to get a new car just like everyone else. I was a kid, it was all about fitting in.
As I got older, I wanted to meet (who am I kidding, I wanted to marry) Jon Bon Jovi, Kirk Cameron, Joey Tempest...
Then, Tim McGraw, boy, was I mad when he married Faith Hill, Why? Because I stood a chance?!?!
As years passed, I wasted my time, never went to college, never got that big career, the one I dreamed about. I remember wanting to be a teacher, I remember my imaginary class, my grade book, each of my "students" (they even had their own personalities).
Life went on, I settled for that dead end job but it paid the bills. So, I kept it.
But, along the way, you don't think about the people who cross your path. How you are in their life whether you want to be or not, whether it's your dream job or not.
You are there.
Sometimes, I look back and remember the people that had an effect on my life. I met them right there where I was and where they were. Maybe, they were friendly maybe they weren't but they all had an impact.
Had I not been there, I wouldn't have met some of the best people in my life.
Had I not been there, I wouldn't be who I am today.
Had I not been there, I wouldn't have met the man I love.
Had I not been there, I wouldn't be here.
I believe that I am right where I am meant to be. Right here with people who need me and people I need.
Not rich people
Not famous people
But real people, people with problems, people who don't have it all together, people who love me and my imperfections.
Everyone needs someone to love them
Everyone needs someone to help them through
Everyone needs someone to hold on when they want to let go
Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on
My life may have not turned out the way I planned. That big house, that new car, that fame, that job never happened but I have so much more. God has surrounded me by the people I need to be surrounded by.
And I can say without a doubt that
I know I am right where I need to be...