Wednesday, February 22, 2012


Growing up my dad never really knew his dad. I am not sure of all the details and none of it really matters. People do what they do and they have their reasons and its not for me to judge.
My dad never thought his dad wanted anything to do with him and we come to find out over the years grandpa was afraid of rejection too.
I remember when I was 16 I had a strong desire to find my grandfather. I wanted to know if he was alive. I wanted him to know he had grandkids. I wanted to know him.
So, I set off on a mission...
I wrote a letter to his sister to see if she had known where he was. I wasn't sure what kind of response I was going to get. I prepared myself for the worst but what I got was an answered prayer.
I remember the day the phone rang, one of my brothers answered then yelled,
How embarrassing!
Then I hear the voice on the other end say,
"I hear you are looking for your grandfather?"
"Well, I am your grandfather."
Tears flowed like water.
I couldn't believe it!
He was alive and he called me.
For years he had felt that his family would reject him. Afraid they wouldn't forgive him for what he did.
As the conversation went on I learned he had remarried, where he was living, and how he would love to meet us.
"I wish my dad was home so he could talk to you."
He never thought my dad would return that phone call but he did.
23 years ago my dad reunited with his dad. It had been decades since he last saw him but now their relationship is complete again.
My grandpa will be 91 this year. It has been a blessing to get to know him. It has been great to know my dad has filled a void.
I love stories with happy endings.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Valentine's Day

Yesterday, was Valentine's Day...
I agree with most people, it's a Hallmark holiday. Why not show people you love them all year? I love getting gifts, cards, and flowers just as much as anyone else but if my husband only bought them once a year, does he think about me the other 364?
Why is it that early November the baby nursery at the hospital is full? Why aren't love and passion shown the rest of the year?
Maybe I am being negative, I don't mean to be. This world is in need of people who show love everyday. Maybe the divorce rate wouldn't be so high if your spouse knew you love them 365 days a year. Maybe our children wouldn't look for love somewhere else, in someone else, if they knew their parents love them.
Okay, I am done with my little rant
With that said, I love my husband, I love my kids, I love my family, and I love my friends. If ever any of you don't know that I love you every day feel free to let me know...

But for the record, if Bill ever forgot me on Valentines Day, I might be a little upset!

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

He's gonna have to deal with it!

I can't tell you the times that people have said to me they can't tell Jacob and Joshua apart. I've heard about their strong genes. They have been thought to be twins.
The older they get and the closer in height they get, I can see where it could be confusing.
Joshua, for the past few days, has been into doing his hair in a mohawk. He is so excited to have his own bottle of "glue" and does most of the work by himself. This morning, however, Jacob wanted to have a mohawk too. I am fine with it, it's a passing craze just like everything else! Joshua had the biggest fit! He insisted that he did not want Jacob to look like him and why Jacob couldn't just think of his own hairstyle blah, blah, blah...
I said, "Son, have you ever looked in the mirror? Have your teachers ever called you by the wrong name? You both look alike, you might as well accept it!" The argument went on for the next ten minutes or so. I didn't quite understand what the big deal was, they're brothers they are going to look alike!
I tell them to get their shoes and coats on we have to get to school. I walk outside and they are playing basketball. I later find out that they are making a deal. If Jacob loses, he is not allowed to wear his hair in a mohawk again. If Joshua loses, Jacob is allowed to wear his hair any way he wants. Sounds like they have it all worked out but I promise, this will not end good.
So, the funny part of this whole thing is they were wearing the EXACT same outfits this morning. When I mentioned that fact, "I don't care about that!" is the reply I got.
Who can figure it?
One of these days, they are going to get along.
One of these days they will take it as a compliment that they look alike.
One of these days...

Friday, February 3, 2012

I have been telling Tyler lately...

to walk softly on my heart. It does seem like that long ago that the young man you see today with a full beard was once my baby boy.

I didn't know what to do with him when I brought him home from the hospital. It was hard to imagine being responsible for this new life.

This was always one of my favorite pictures. I loved that face he used to make!

What a handsome boy he was!

I thought if I was going to embarrass him with some old pictures I better throw one in of myself.

Boy, was I mad at him when he took that chunk out of his hair! But it makes a cute picture now.

I have been reminiscing these past few weeks because I can not believe that the little boy I once held in my arms will be eighteen this year. You want them to chase their dreams but that means you have to let go, and I am finding that easier said than done. College is right around the corner and I find myself wondering how do I make it through graduation day?

Soon enough the day comes when he comes home and tells you about his girlfriend. It just crushes your heart. Not because you don't wish him happiness but because you realize that some day someone will become his bride. She will then become the most important woman in his life.

How I would love to hold on.
How I would love to go back and rock that baby boy to sleep.
How I would love to stop time just for a little while but I can't.
I have to learn how to embrace the changes that life brings.
My kids are going to grow up, I always knew that but what I don't know is how to fill the hole it leaves.

I can't always protect them. I can't stop them from being hurt. I can't prevent mistakes they will make. I can only hold them in my arms for a little while. I loved them first and I will always love them. I pray that I have taught them what they need to know when they head out in the world. I hope they know that they will always have a piece of my heart. I hope they know that I will be there for them as long as God gives me breath.

Oh, how I love you Tyler and I always will
but remember my heart is fragile