Wednesday, June 30, 2010

How would you feel if...

I knew the question was coming. I knew in my mind it would only be a matter of time. I didn't know when but I wasn't expecting it yesterday.
July is not an easy month for me anymore. I don't think I live in the past. I don't dwell on things. I have tried to get on with life. I don't think it is taking me too long because I don't think I ever will get over it. Some days are harder than others but most I get by. No words can express to you how much I love my sister and how very much I miss her. Not a day goes by, that I don't. I have great friends who try to help me through, they listen to me and let me cry. But sometimes, I don't know how to move on. I don't know how to accept the next phase of life.
"How would you feel if Jon brought a date with him this weekend?"
With a lump in my throat and holding back the tears...
I know that I can't expect him to be alone forever.
"Nothing serious, just a friend."
I don't know what you expect my answer to be. I don't know how I feel. I can't just go replace my sister!
"He's not asking you to and
he wants to be sensitive to you."
It is the wrong weekend for me. I really don't know how I feel about it.
"Okay, I guess that answers my question."
Off the phone, up to my room, and the uncontrollable tears flow and flow and flow.
I guess that was my answer, no, I am not ready.
I love Jon and I know he is lonely and hurting but I am glad he understands.
Maybe someday...

1 comment:

Cassie said...

I can't imagine. I can't imagine your hurt. He can never replace Mandy. EVER! He knows that, but understand that every night, you have a family to come home to and a husband to kiss and hold. He has an empty house. His pain cannot be replaced by another. Mandy's memory will live forever in every single person she touched. I love you Sherry. I love your heart. Hugging you!