How would you feel if...

I knew the question was coming. I knew in my mind it would only be a matter of time. I didn't know when but I wasn't expecting it yesterday.

July is not an easy month for me anymore. I don't think I live in the past. I don't dwell on things. I have tried to get on with life. I don't think it is taking me too long because I don't think I ever will get over it. Some days are harder than others but most I get by. No words can express to you how much I love my sister and how very much I miss her. Not a day goes by, that I don't. I have great friends who try to help me through, they listen to me and let me cry. But sometimes, I don't know how to move on. I don't know how to accept the next phase of life.

***

"How would you feel if Jon brought a date with him this weekend?"

With a lump in my throat and holding back the tears...

I know that I can't expect him to be alone forever.

"Nothing serious, just a friend."

I don't know what you expect my answer to be. I don't know how I feel. I can't just go replace my sister!

"He's not asking you to and

he wants to be sensitive to you."

It is the wrong weekend for me. I really don't know how I feel about it.

"Okay, I guess that answers my question."

Okay

(click)

Off the phone, up to my room, and the uncontrollable tears flow and flow and flow.

I guess that was my answer, no, I am not ready.

I love Jon and I know he is lonely and hurting but I am glad he understands.

Maybe someday...