As I sit here today

I read posts on facebook about how unhappy some peoples lives are. I am reminded that three years ago today, I sat by my dying sisters bedside, helpless. There was nothing I could do to help her, to change the situation. I sang with her, I fed her, I held her hand, I gave her water, I cried and I prayed for things to be different. I wanted my sister to talk to me but she couldn't. I wanted her to sit up, get out of that bed and tell me she was going to be okay but she didn't. I wanted her to come back to my house, have dinner, hang out with the kids, like we always did but she would never do that again. As I think about the vacation we took to Mexico, it's all a memory. We will never walk those beaches again.

I left her house that night knowing, but not accepting, what I knew God was going to do. I would never hug my sister again, I would never hear her voice again. My kids weren't going to see her again. It was all a memory.

So, before you post that post to complain about something that you can change remember there is someone out there dealing with something they can't change.

If he is not good for you, don't have a baby with him. If he cheats on you, don't stay with him. If it's too hot outside, go sit somewhere with A/C. If you kids make you crazy, thank God they are healthy. If your parents did you wrong, forgive them and move on.

Resentment will get you nowhere. You control your destiny, you make choices, make them good ones. Complaining doesn't fix it. Don't blame anyone else for your unhappiness.

Life will hand you things that are out of your control, make lemonade out of the lemons or wine out of the sour grapes which ever you prefer.

I watched my sister deal with learning she had cancer, she never complained. She made the best out of each day. She lived life to the fullest. She never wished it wasn't her.

If she were here today and had a facebook page her status wouldn't be negative, it would be:

"Life is good"

just like her bumper sticker used to say.

Or maybe it would be:

"Enjoy life, it's too short to be unhappy."

"Celebrate life, it may not be yours tomorrow."

Where do they come up with this stuff?

Yesterday, while we driving in the truck Isaiah turns around and asks Joshua, "Are you hot?" Joshua says to him, "Do you mean the hot when you are sweating or the hot when someone thinks you're cute?" I just had to laugh.

Then today, after Safety Town, Isaiah has a coloring book that they gave him and there is a fox on the front cover. He says,"Mom, see that fox...that's what you look like!" Thank you son:)

If only....

It's funny how your dad is always better than someone else's dad. I hear them talking all the time about how strong or tough their dad is. Once, I even heard, "My dad can beat up his stepdad!" Let's play nice boys...

Since the recent tornado warnings, they have not stopped talking about how their dad has survived "like 75 tornados in his life!" I love how they look up to their dad, he is a hero in their eyes and I hope he always is.

I am working on a blog of the "Vocabulary of a Looman boy" I am not quite done with it yet, I keep think of more things they say. I am glad I started blogging to have a record of things they do.

I am not sure

that I was made to be the mother of a teenager!

I don't like freedom. I mean, I love freedom, my own freedom, but I do not like it when my kids want it.

They should have to stay where I can see them at all times!

Poor Tyler, he knows his mom is a bit of a freak. Last night, he went to youth group with a friend and he didn't get home until 10:30. He knew when he walked in the door I was in a state of panic and the first thing he said was, "I know, it's late, I told him at 9:00 I was ready and my mom is going to start worrying." I said, "Next time...call. So, I am not sitting here wondering what has happened."

It's horrible, the thoughts that go through your mind when your kids aren't home. I know Tyler is a good kid (or at least has me fooled) but bad things can happen to good kids. I do not like the thought of him driving or driving with someone, it's scary.

He has started a job this week. He is so excited and I am so proud of him for getting the job all on his own. But it's another part of letting go, another piece of my heart, gone. In my mind I think, what's next? A car, a girlfriend, his own house, married, the list goes on and I am not ready for all that.

Even though I didn't know it then, I must have made my mom crazy with all my late nights. Letting go is hard, whether its first steps, first day of school, or first date. I want to keep them little forever but unfortunately I can't. I need to learn to embrace it and accept the new adventures life throws my way.

Chasing my own tail?

It is really funny to watch a cat chase it's tail...not so funny when it's me.

My days are the same, everyday the same. I am okay with it most of the time. But sometimes, it makes me crazy.

Like when you clean the house...

You clean one room, go onto the next, come back into the first and think to yourself, "Did I not just spend and hour, maybe two cleaning?"

As far as kids bedrooms go, I think there should be an unwritten law: Close the door so nobody sees inside until you are old enough to keep it clean yourself.

Simple and saves me the hassle...yeah right, if only!

Then, there are pillows! The pillows for our couches spend more time on the floor than they do on the couch. Every time, you walk through the living room you bend over pick them up go up stairs or wherever you were headed come back and there they are...on the floor again! Then, you think to yourself, "Did I not just pick these up the last time I walked through?"

The cat litter box...Why is it that the minute I put the lid back on after cleaning it a cat has to go take care of business. Never fails, every time! Around and around we go!

Oh, and should I dare talk about the bathroom? I get the most frustrated with this room! There are days when my lungs are burning from the bleach smell! Finally, it is clean then wouldn't you know...someone's gotta go!

I remember when I first started blogging I said I should have named my blog, "Will my bathroom ever be clean again?" now I am thinking it should be...

"When will the hole on the toilet be big enough?" or

"If you can't make it in the hole, please, sit down!"

The list could go on...

"Does anyone but mom know where the hamper is?"

"Is it really necessary to hit your brother as you walk by?"

"How many times do I have to tell you not to climb on the counter?"

"Go sit in your bed and don't come down until you are ready to behave!"

"Stop slamming doors before someone loses a finger!"

"Can we please enjoy a meal without the arguing?"

"When will I learn that if the kids are quiet, it's not a good thing!?!?"

or we could go with, simply...

"Now, what's broken?"

because when I call Bill at work that is usually the first thing that comes out of his mouth!

Family tree

Why is it so hard for kids to understand? I don't know if its all kids or just mine. But trying to figure out the concept of a family tree gets them every time.

I dread when they start questioning things.

Having a blended family brings up a lot of questions. I remember Jacob asking Jenna if her dad died because in his young mind none of it made sense. How was she his sister? Why was she calling his dad "dad"? Who was her mom?

Poor Isaiah thinks that when you grow up you either become a mom or dad. Sounds right?!? Not exactly! He insists that he is going to be the dad and either Joshua or Jacob are going to be the mom. Because he is not going to be the one who turns into a girl! Then when they try to tell him they will all have their own wives, he gets upset, "MOM! Tell them I am going to be the dad!" It's impossible...he'll get it soon enough.

When Tyler said to Isaiah, "When I have a kid..." I said, "In twenty years, right?"..."You will be an uncle." "NO! I AM NOT GOING TO BE A GIRL!" "An uncle is a boy, an aunt is a girl" "MMMOOMMM!, Tell him!"

Simple concept? Not really! Something tells me he doesn't want to be a girl :)

I remember when they asked me who my mom and dad were. I told them grandma and grandpa. They didn't get that at first either. For some reason, Bill was supposed to be my dad because he is their dad. It seems so simple but I guess in their minds it didn't make sense.

But all those questions were simple compared to what Joshua asked this weekend, "Mom, I know that I am your kid because I came out of your belly but how can I be dad's?"

Ummm...Bill,

Joshua has a question for you!

"You're a classroom celebrity"

Today, when I got to Joshua's class to help the kids his teacher came out to the hall to tell me I was a "classroom celebrity." She heard all about Joshua's party. I told her there was one point during the party I told them I was going to have her come over to keep them in line because she lives around the corner. She said I should have! She is a really good teacher. I think I have said it before but I will say it again, teachers are very special people and they do not get the respect they deserve. I am guilty, I never realized what they did until I volunteered as much as I do. I told Bill they should put me on payroll. He said, "Why? Then, you wouldn't enjoy it as much." He's right. I am glad I get a chance to be in the school with my kids.

Anyway, back to Joshua's teacher, she said this weekend she had her dads 88th birthday party and they put 88 candles on the cake! She showed me the picture. I told her she is lucky I am not going to have a first grader next year or I would bring her a cake with a lot of candles on it!

And, since we are talking kids, have you ever wanted to bottle giggles. I love to hear kids giggle. you know, the giggle when they are watching Tom and Jerry and they don't realize you are listening. If there was a way to bottle it and open it years later just to hear them giggle again. You would never be sad, if you felt a sad moment coming on you would just open the bottle. Who doesn't smile at the sound of a happy kid? It's those little things that you miss.

And, since we are talking about missing things, lately people have been telling me about things I am going to miss. Giggles and hugs and kisses, I will miss. But, when you tell me I am going to miss the fighting and bickering and arguing, I am not so sure. Getting notes like this...

you can bet I'll miss!

(Bill wants to know why he is an after thought though?)

HAPPY 7th BIRTHDAY JOSHUA!

Today, Joshua turns seven...

I remember that week like it was yesterday. We were moving into our house, buying a car, and had a baby.

We love you Joshua.