It's almost over...

Summer that is!

Where did it go? So, much going on all the time...

Tyler has graduated high school. Where did that time go? He is starting college in a couple weeks. He has been working at the same place for three years. All the pushing and hard work pays off in the end, (or the start of a new chapter). Funny though, you think at eighteen they don't need you (hahaha) that boy would be lost without me! I am so proud of him.

Jacob, to know Jacob is to love him. He is as obnoxious as ever but he really is a big help. Whenever I need a favor, he is my first volunteer. If I need someone to go to the store with me, he hops in the car. We will find something he is passionate about someday, but until then, he will be Jacob.

Football season has started. What a craziness that brings to our lives! At the field by 5:30 on the field until 8:00. I love that Joshua puts his uniform on everyday though. It says a lot about him. As I watch him practice and run (and run some more) my heart is happy. He loves every minute of it and, yes I am gonna say it, so do I.

Isaiah is as ornery as ever. He is always into something. He is Macgyver Jr. these days. That is a scary thing but cute at the same time. He is going to grow up to be someone great, he has an awesome imagination! 

Bill has started blender nights on our new patio, strawberry daiquiris, pina coladas, or whatever you may prefer. Friday nights, at the "new cabana" Look for your invite if you haven't gotten one! I can't tell you how much I love my husband. He is a true gift from God and perfect for me. I don't say that because of his bar-tending skills, that is a bonus :) 

Just a quick update on our family, hope I stay inspired.

"In Christ, there are no goodbyes...

In Christ, there is no end.

 so I'll hold on to Jesus with all that I have 

to see you again

to see you again

  I close my eyes and I see your face, 

if homes where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow..." 

For some reason, this July has hit me hard. 

I had a dream the other night I was yelling at God. Yelling as loud as I could "I don't know what you want from me!?" Then, on my knees crying, "What do you want from me???" 

 I tried to figure it out when I woke up. I talked to Bill he thought maybe I need to find a way to be a peace with things. I have peace. I know that God has a plan, not my plans, his and I can't change that. I can't tell you it always makes sense. I can't tell you that I don't get angry. I can tell you I cry. I can tell you it still hurts like it was yesterday. I can also tell you, I have peace, peace in knowing I will see her again because God has made me that promise. 

My sister had a desire, a passion, a dream that one day everyone she loved would know and love Jesus. As I read her journals, it becomes even more clear. She loved the Lord with everything in her. 

 It made me think about the difference between selfishness and selflessness.

My sister was selfless. She never complained, she never wished sickness on another, she knew God had a reason for choosing her. She lived life believing that if her battle touched just one person it was worth it. 

Now that she is gone, I find myself wondering how I can help make her dying wish come true? How can I continue her legacy? How can I help to make sure all the people she loved see her again? 

The truth is I can't...

That is why I found myself crying out to God in my dream.

I can't do it 

She couldn't do it

Her lost fight with cancer couldn't do it

It comes down to a choice. A choice we all have to make. A choice that should be so simple.

Are we going to live our lives selfless? 

Serving others, praying that someday they walk those streets of gold along side us? Sacrificing our own desires.

Or do we choose to remain selfish?

 Believing this life is about making ourselves happy, living for the moment. Not going beyond our comfort zone. Inconsiderate to the others around us.

I choose Jesus. I choose to believe that He died for me. I choose to believe His promises. Without Him there is no hope. 

I know I have a long way to go.

 I know there are times I will be selfish. I know there are times I will mess up.

I also know that I have a longing to continue my sisters legacy. She lived to impact her family and those around her for Christ.  It was evident in the way she lived out her life in such a selfless way.

My prayer is that when that day comes and my time on this Earth is done, I will be in Heaven with my sister, our parents, our brothers, and all of those we love.