Monday, December 26, 2011

I wish I had all the answers...

For some reason lately Isaiah has been full of questions. Questions I don't have answers to. Here is an example of our conversation in the car traveling on Christmas day:
Mom, is Aunt Mandy's house blue?
Yes it is a bluish gray
Does she still live there with Uncle Jon?
No, she lives in Heaven
Why does she live in Heaven?
Because she went to live with Jesus
What does her house look like?
She lives in a big mansion now with streets made of gold
Why did she go live with Jesus?
(Bill please answer him because I can't)
Sometimes, God decides that it time for you to go live with him
Can I go see Aunt Mandy in Heaven?
Someday, God will call you and it will be your time
Will I see her when I get there?
Yes you will
But I don't know if I will remember what she looks like?
She will standing at the pearly gate waiting for you with her arms wide open. She will be the one calling you handsome because that's what she always called you
How will I get to Heaven? It's way up in the sky and I can't fly
Jesus will let you know when and He will call you
But what if I can't hear him?
You will buddy when it's your time but I hope it's not anytime soon

As I sit here typing this, he comes up to me with a present from yesterday and says, "I want to give this to Aunt Mandy, if I hold it up to the sky, will she reach down and get it?"
All I can do is smile and fight back the tears.

My baby was only two and a half when he lost her. He will miss out in this life on the opportunity to know the best aunt a child could ask for. But I will make sure he remembers her, I will make sure that when he gets to those pearly gates, he will know exactly who he's looking for!
It's been an emotional Christmas for me. Most days, I am okay but I can't handle the questions. I can't understand it either, how can I expect my kids to. It's been three and a half years but still feels like yesterday.
I never thought I would have to answer these questions. I always thought we'd laugh and cry together, complain about our husbands together, raise families together, grow old together.

Hug your kids, kiss your husband, call that relative, tell them you love them.

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