It's almost over...

Summer that is!

Where did it go? So, much going on all the time...

Tyler has graduated high school. Where did that time go? He is starting college in a couple weeks. He has been working at the same place for three years. All the pushing and hard work pays off in the end, (or the start of a new chapter). Funny though, you think at eighteen they don't need you (hahaha) that boy would be lost without me! I am so proud of him.

Jacob, to know Jacob is to love him. He is as obnoxious as ever but he really is a big help. Whenever I need a favor, he is my first volunteer. If I need someone to go to the store with me, he hops in the car. We will find something he is passionate about someday, but until then, he will be Jacob.

Football season has started. What a craziness that brings to our lives! At the field by 5:30 on the field until 8:00. I love that Joshua puts his uniform on everyday though. It says a lot about him. As I watch him practice and run (and run some more) my heart is happy. He loves every minute of it and, yes I am gonna say it, so do I.

Isaiah is as ornery as ever. He is always into something. He is Macgyver Jr. these days. That is a scary thing but cute at the same time. He is going to grow up to be someone great, he has an awesome imagination! 

Bill has started blender nights on our new patio, strawberry daiquiris, pina coladas, or whatever you may prefer. Friday nights, at the "new cabana" Look for your invite if you haven't gotten one! I can't tell you how much I love my husband. He is a true gift from God and perfect for me. I don't say that because of his bar-tending skills, that is a bonus :) 

Just a quick update on our family, hope I stay inspired.

"In Christ, there are no goodbyes...

In Christ, there is no end.

 so I'll hold on to Jesus with all that I have 

to see you again

to see you again

  I close my eyes and I see your face, 

if homes where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow..." 

For some reason, this July has hit me hard. 

I had a dream the other night I was yelling at God. Yelling as loud as I could "I don't know what you want from me!?" Then, on my knees crying, "What do you want from me???" 

 I tried to figure it out when I woke up. I talked to Bill he thought maybe I need to find a way to be a peace with things. I have peace. I know that God has a plan, not my plans, his and I can't change that. I can't tell you it always makes sense. I can't tell you that I don't get angry. I can tell you I cry. I can tell you it still hurts like it was yesterday. I can also tell you, I have peace, peace in knowing I will see her again because God has made me that promise. 

My sister had a desire, a passion, a dream that one day everyone she loved would know and love Jesus. As I read her journals, it becomes even more clear. She loved the Lord with everything in her. 

 It made me think about the difference between selfishness and selflessness.

My sister was selfless. She never complained, she never wished sickness on another, she knew God had a reason for choosing her. She lived life believing that if her battle touched just one person it was worth it. 

Now that she is gone, I find myself wondering how I can help make her dying wish come true? How can I continue her legacy? How can I help to make sure all the people she loved see her again? 

The truth is I can't...

That is why I found myself crying out to God in my dream.

I can't do it 

She couldn't do it

Her lost fight with cancer couldn't do it

It comes down to a choice. A choice we all have to make. A choice that should be so simple.

Are we going to live our lives selfless? 

Serving others, praying that someday they walk those streets of gold along side us? Sacrificing our own desires.

Or do we choose to remain selfish?

 Believing this life is about making ourselves happy, living for the moment. Not going beyond our comfort zone. Inconsiderate to the others around us.

I choose Jesus. I choose to believe that He died for me. I choose to believe His promises. Without Him there is no hope. 

I know I have a long way to go.

 I know there are times I will be selfish. I know there are times I will mess up.

I also know that I have a longing to continue my sisters legacy. She lived to impact her family and those around her for Christ.  It was evident in the way she lived out her life in such a selfless way.

My prayer is that when that day comes and my time on this Earth is done, I will be in Heaven with my sister, our parents, our brothers, and all of those we love.  

Life's about changes...

I have always struggled with change. I do not like anything that messes with the way I am used to things. 

I have had to make quite a few adjustments in life but when things get back to "normal" I don't like the sudden interruption. 

It probably sounds selfish, doesn't it?

I don't mean for it to.

I have to find a way to cope with some things but it means closing a door that I don't want to close. A door that I don't even want there. A door that was "ajar" and I had learned to live with it. 

Everyday, I read about or hear about changes, people I know and people I don't know, are going through. Life can be hard, who am I kidding life is hard! 

The bible says, "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end." A couple verses later it says, "I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so people will fear him."

(Ecclesiastes 3:11 and 14)

It's the "in time" part that is hard. I know that God will make something beautiful. I have to learn God's time, not my time. I often question how much time? When does the hurt stop? How do I accept change?

I am still learning, I stumble, I cry, but I will get through.

As I was driving yesterday I heard a song that said,

"I won't give you more

more than you can take

And I might let you bend

but I won't let you break."

I know that I am being shaped into the person God wants me to be. It is a lifelong process. I will some out on the other side standing. 

Thank you to those who have listened to me cry and have wiped my tears. 

I can't change the way things are but I do know God is creating something beautiful in His time. I need to remember that when something causes me to bend.

There are angels among us...

When my sister saw that Joshua was a "blanket baby" she started making blankets for all the kids hoping that one of them would carry around a blanket she made. Joshua was already attached to his blankets but Isaiah started carrying one. 

After years of being loved, chewed on and dragged everywhere, it was down to it's last strings. He came to me and said, "Mom, why can't Aunt Mandy come down from heaven and fix this blanket for me? I love this blanket and it's no fair why can't God send her back?" 

I knew I had to fix it but I didn't know how. I wasn't sure I wanted to. I thought I could just put it up and give it to him when he was older but he wasn't having that.

So, I asked a friend from church. She knew exactly how to fix it and said it would be an honor.

Yesterday, we went to pick it up. The look on his face was priceless, he held that blanket all the way home and slept with it last night. When he woke up this morning he said, "I don't want to go to school today, I want to spend some more time with my blanket."

Mandy was always worried that Isaiah wouldn't remember her because he was so young. But not a day goes by when he doesn't mention her. He has woke up in the morning and said to me "Mom, I talked to Aunt Mandy last night." He is too young to make that up, I believe that blanket is his connection to her, somehow through holding on to that blanket, he holds on to her. 

She has left a legacy in the hearts of my children that will never die. 

"Mom, I wish Aunt Mandy could see me now that I am six."

She does...

Life's about changes...

This week started a new phase in my life.

I am home alone for the first time in eleven years! I can't stand the quiet some days but on the bright side I have been able to complete some jobs that really needed done.

This year my oldest baby started his senior year. I can not believe it, just yesterday I was holding my baby boy. Now, with a full beard :-/ he is in his last year of high school! This year will be hard for me, I would keep them babies forever. I hope I have done all I could to get him ready for the next chapter in his life!

 My youngest baby has started first grade! He will be seven soon, I guess I must have blinked because I  don't know how this happened either! Joshua started third grade and Jacob is now in fourth grade. Just to think middle school is right around the corner makes me cringe! 

Minutes, hours, days, then years...

Life never seems to slow down.

I read somewhere not too long ago to slow down, enjoy your kids where they are they won't be there long. Oh, how I know this is true...

Almost eighteen years has past since I first became a mom never once do I ever remember wanting my kids to hurry and grow up. It happens soon enough!

I love you Tyler, Jacob, Joshua, and Isaiah!!!

Remember no matter how old you are you will always be my babies! There will never be anything you can do to change that! 

I guess you never know...

when somebody is following you!

Not stalking or creeping just following...

your blog that is. 

I was at a football game for Joshua on Saturday and bumped into an old family friend. My mom and her have been friends since the seventh grade! Talk about a long friendship! 

She mentioned that I hadn't blogged in a long time and to tell you the true, I didn't think anyone really read it anyway. Blogging has always been more for me. A way to express myself, something for my kids to read when they get older to remember how crazy they made me!

Anyway, it made me think about my friends. I have found friends through Facebook that I knew in fourth grade! If we had only stayed in touch what an incredible friendship that could have been!  

I have good friends, I really do. I am thankful for them all in their own special way. They have all touched my life in a way that is unique. I have friends who knew me back when and still love me today. I have friends who never forget important days or events in my life. I have friends who take time out of their schedule to spend time with me when I need them.

So, I want to take the time to thank my friends. Thank you for making me important to you! I look forward to the laughter, I am ready for the tears, and cherish all the memories!

Thank you Peggy for the nudge I needed. I look forward to the day my friends and I can look back and say, "I remember when your daughter used to suck her thumb and twirl her hair around her finger."

Grandpa...

Growing up my dad never really knew his dad. I am not sure of all the details and none of it really matters. People do what they do and they have their reasons and its not for me to judge.

My dad never thought his dad wanted anything to do with him and we come to find out over the years grandpa was afraid of rejection too.

I remember when I was 16 I had a strong desire to find my grandfather. I wanted to know if he was alive. I wanted him to know he had grandkids. I wanted to know him.

So, I set off on a mission...

I wrote a letter to his sister to see if she had known where he was. I wasn't sure what kind of response I was going to get. I prepared myself for the worst but what I got was an answered prayer.

I remember the day the phone rang, one of my brothers answered then yelled,

"SHERRY!!! IT'S A BOY!!!"

How embarrassing!

Then I hear the voice on the other end say,

"Sherry?"

"Yes?"

"I hear you are looking for your grandfather?"

"Yes?"

"Well, I am your grandfather."

Tears flowed like water.

I couldn't believe it!

He was alive and he called me.

For years he had felt that his family would reject him. Afraid they wouldn't forgive him for what he did.

As the conversation went on I learned he had remarried, where he was living, and how he would love to meet us.

"I wish my dad was home so he could talk to you."

He never thought my dad would return that phone call but he did.

23 years ago my dad reunited with his dad. It had been decades since he last saw him but now their relationship is complete again.

My grandpa will be 91 this year. It has been a blessing to get to know him. It has been great to know my dad has filled a void.

I love stories with happy endings.