We are all being "chiseled"

The truth is Bill and I are just two ordinary people. We have never seen

ourselves in a leadership role at church. We never thought we were worthy to

lead. We still feel unqualified. We were fine being people behind the

scenes.  God presented us with a need and we have tried to fill that need.

The last series Bill taught was on God using ordinary people to do

extraordinary things and I think that is what God is doing in our lives. We

are two people with broken pasts who met God has chosen to

use. I was a single mother, Bill a divorced father, together, the married

parents of three more boys. I am not perfect neither is my husband. We love

people but we've made mistakes and let some down. We are human and I know that

on this path God has put us on we will fall, we will stumble and we may get

hurt and we may hurt others. I believe our hearts are true and we love and

we don't take it lightly. We have cried, we have fought and we have asked

God why. We have said this isn't us. We have doubted, but I know I know that

nothing happens by accident. We are being used right here right now for a

purpose. The outcome is up to God. Only He knows. Personally, I wouldn't

want it any other way. This road traveled is worth it if at the end of it,

one person comes to us and says thank you my life has been changed and

through you I found God. In Luke 15, Jesus gives three parables. Each one

refers to someone or something being lost than found. Luke 15:7 says,

speaking of the lost sheep that was found, "I tell you that in the same way

there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over

ninety nine righteous persons who do not need to repent." Luke 15:10 says,

“In the same way I tell you, there is a rejoicing in the presence of the

Angels of God over one sinner who repents." Finally, referring to the

lost son, Luke 15:32 says, "But we had to celebrate and be glad because this

brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.”

 He is lost and is found!

 The same words you find in that old hymn everyone

knows "Amazing Grace." I once was lost but now I'm found. God's grace is

amazing something only He can offer. He just chooses different vessels to

work through. I remember another song, "I Want to be More Like You," in it

there is a line that says, "I want to be a vessel you work through." That is

who and what we are...vessels. God is at work, not us, we are an empty

vessel.  We are a rock being chiseled into who God wants us to be. I will

tell you, it's hard sometimes an I fall to my knees asking God why? Why me?

Why us? And the answer I get is, why not? I often feel like Moses pleading

with God in Exodus 4 about not being smart enough or having the right words

but God answers me by saying, "Go, I will help you speak and teach you what

to say." He does what He says. He gives me strength. I know I will still

say something and do something wrong. I know through all of this I am being

"chiseled" I am being forced to grow and change and see people how God sees

them. The God of the universe loves them and so should I.

This thing they call life...

is still changing!

Even though I still don't like change, some changes are for good.

One of the biggest changes has been Bill filling in as pastor at our church, The Refuge. I know that it has been a challenge for him. He feels unqualified for the job, as I am sure a lot of pastors do. But, honestly, are any of us qualified? When I became a mom, I wasn't qualified. I was a young girl with a baby, I didn't know what to do with. As he got older, I still didn't know. It was a "learn as you go" process. I don't think I am qualified still even after my fourth one but I have healthy, happy kids who tell me daily they love me. Qualified, maybe not, but I am teachable and continue to learn every day. 

Another positive with your husband filling in as pastor, you are forced to look at your own life. Not that I walk a straight line because I don't but, I have caught myself more recently being more aware. Aware of other peoples feelings, aware of decisions I make, aware of words I say because you never know who may be watching. I have found that small gestures go miles;

*a smile 

*making eye contact
*asking about their day
*a hug
*a kind word

*a card

Most people aren't looking for much,

they want; 

Someone to care 

Someone to let them know they matter

Someone to tell them they are special

Someone to be proud of them

I don't have it all together. I have so much work to do in these areas. I fail, miserably, a lot of the time. But with the changes life has brought my way, I try and I want to try. I want to be different. I know I have a long way to go but God is working. 

God has put Bill and I in this position, we have found it to be challenging at times, but rewarding. I see God's hand working in peoples lives. 

I never would have thought God would choose to use us in this way but He has. We chose to accept the change and challenge, God will do the rest.

1, 2, 3 strikes you're out

Jacob has started his first year of baseball. He really seems to be enjoying it. In the past few games, he has really improved. He has been on a hitting streak. I am proud of him for giving it his best. I hope he will continue to play next year. 

Sports are a big commitment for everyone involved. There are times my life is just crazy but I wouldn't want it any other way. I am glad my kids are active in sports. It is good for them to learn sportsmanship and how to get along with others. I hope they realize that winning is a team effort and it takes everyone on the team to make it happen, everyone is important no matter what position they play.

Perfect?

Sometimes in life I think we try to hard to be perfect. 

I remember as a young girl, my brother's always called me "perfect." I am sure they weren't trying to be mean (after all they did love me, right?). I am sure they were just upset because I always did my homework, not that they didn't. I didn't get in trouble in school not that they did but maybe they didn't get as good grades as me (wink, wink)?

I don't know why they thought of me that way. I knew I wasn't perfect even though at a young age I wanted to be. I always thought one day I will marry the perfect man, we will have the perfect house, our children would be perfect, I would have the perfect career (of course, I was pop star material after all).

So, what is perfect? 

(according to the dictionary/world)

-having all the required elements or characteristics 

-absolute, complete

-make completely free from faults or defects

So, you ask...

Did I find the perfect man? 

I found the perfect man for me.

Do we have the perfect house? 

We have the house that was made for us.

Are our children perfect?

Of course they aren't but they are healthy.

Did I become the next female pop star?

Absolutely not! I can't sing a single note.

Lately, I have been finding myself thinking that if I could change certain things, I would be perfect.

If I had a new bigger house, life would be better.

If I could just have another baby, my family would be perfect.

I don't think there is any thing wrong with dreaming. I think you should always try to improve life. 

My problem has become this;

I find myself striving to have more, be more, do more and in the meantime I lose sight of what I do have. Everyone around me suffers because I feel like I am not "perfect." 

I need to realize that I will never be perfect by the worlds standards. I am, however, in the perfect spot. I am right where I need to be. I have the family I need. I have the friends I need. I have the home I need. 

Perfect? No way!

Perfect seems like it may be boring. Without mistakes, we wouldn't grow. Without imperfections, there would be nothing to change. If we never changed, we would always be the same. I am glad my brothers were wrong. I am glad I am not perfect. It makes my life interesting and worth living.

"I will hold myself to a standard of grace, not perfection"

Life has a funny way...

of going on when you just want it to slow down a little bit.

I remember as a kid, the school day dragging. It never seemed to end quick enough. I remember wanting Christmas to come faster every year. My birthday never seemed to come.

Then it happened, time sped up. 

Here I am, 41 years have gone by, each one faster than the one before.  Seasons come and go, I don't know why they have to go so quickly. 

Life, however, has been good. I have had struggles and bad times but the good outweighs the bad. I learn to treasure it every day. My husband is my greatest blessing, I adore him so much. There are days my kids drive me up the wall but every night I thank God for them. I am grateful for my parents, who taught me life lessons. I was blessed to spend 28 years with my sister, the best friend a girl could ask for. I love each of my brothers, they each bring something different to my life. 

Every once in a while, life has a funny way of making you slow down and treasure those you love. We recently lost someone we love unexpectedly. Her death helps put things in perspective. Our time here is short. We need to love always and not take a single day for granted because tomorrow is not ours. I know I need to work harder at this, I take a lot of things for granted.

"One day you'll be a memory to some people, do your best to be a good one."

"Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they tell about you." Shannon L Alder

It's almost over...

Summer that is!

Where did it go? So, much going on all the time...

Tyler has graduated high school. Where did that time go? He is starting college in a couple weeks. He has been working at the same place for three years. All the pushing and hard work pays off in the end, (or the start of a new chapter). Funny though, you think at eighteen they don't need you (hahaha) that boy would be lost without me! I am so proud of him.

Jacob, to know Jacob is to love him. He is as obnoxious as ever but he really is a big help. Whenever I need a favor, he is my first volunteer. If I need someone to go to the store with me, he hops in the car. We will find something he is passionate about someday, but until then, he will be Jacob.

Football season has started. What a craziness that brings to our lives! At the field by 5:30 on the field until 8:00. I love that Joshua puts his uniform on everyday though. It says a lot about him. As I watch him practice and run (and run some more) my heart is happy. He loves every minute of it and, yes I am gonna say it, so do I.

Isaiah is as ornery as ever. He is always into something. He is Macgyver Jr. these days. That is a scary thing but cute at the same time. He is going to grow up to be someone great, he has an awesome imagination! 

Bill has started blender nights on our new patio, strawberry daiquiris, pina coladas, or whatever you may prefer. Friday nights, at the "new cabana" Look for your invite if you haven't gotten one! I can't tell you how much I love my husband. He is a true gift from God and perfect for me. I don't say that because of his bar-tending skills, that is a bonus :) 

Just a quick update on our family, hope I stay inspired.

"In Christ, there are no goodbyes...

In Christ, there is no end.

 so I'll hold on to Jesus with all that I have 

to see you again

to see you again

  I close my eyes and I see your face, 

if homes where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow..." 

For some reason, this July has hit me hard. 

I had a dream the other night I was yelling at God. Yelling as loud as I could "I don't know what you want from me!?" Then, on my knees crying, "What do you want from me???" 

 I tried to figure it out when I woke up. I talked to Bill he thought maybe I need to find a way to be a peace with things. I have peace. I know that God has a plan, not my plans, his and I can't change that. I can't tell you it always makes sense. I can't tell you that I don't get angry. I can tell you I cry. I can tell you it still hurts like it was yesterday. I can also tell you, I have peace, peace in knowing I will see her again because God has made me that promise. 

My sister had a desire, a passion, a dream that one day everyone she loved would know and love Jesus. As I read her journals, it becomes even more clear. She loved the Lord with everything in her. 

 It made me think about the difference between selfishness and selflessness.

My sister was selfless. She never complained, she never wished sickness on another, she knew God had a reason for choosing her. She lived life believing that if her battle touched just one person it was worth it. 

Now that she is gone, I find myself wondering how I can help make her dying wish come true? How can I continue her legacy? How can I help to make sure all the people she loved see her again? 

The truth is I can't...

That is why I found myself crying out to God in my dream.

I can't do it 

She couldn't do it

Her lost fight with cancer couldn't do it

It comes down to a choice. A choice we all have to make. A choice that should be so simple.

Are we going to live our lives selfless? 

Serving others, praying that someday they walk those streets of gold along side us? Sacrificing our own desires.

Or do we choose to remain selfish?

 Believing this life is about making ourselves happy, living for the moment. Not going beyond our comfort zone. Inconsiderate to the others around us.

I choose Jesus. I choose to believe that He died for me. I choose to believe His promises. Without Him there is no hope. 

I know I have a long way to go.

 I know there are times I will be selfish. I know there are times I will mess up.

I also know that I have a longing to continue my sisters legacy. She lived to impact her family and those around her for Christ.  It was evident in the way she lived out her life in such a selfless way.

My prayer is that when that day comes and my time on this Earth is done, I will be in Heaven with my sister, our parents, our brothers, and all of those we love.