Grandpa...

Growing up my dad never really knew his dad. I am not sure of all the details and none of it really matters. People do what they do and they have their reasons and its not for me to judge.

My dad never thought his dad wanted anything to do with him and we come to find out over the years grandpa was afraid of rejection too.

I remember when I was 16 I had a strong desire to find my grandfather. I wanted to know if he was alive. I wanted him to know he had grandkids. I wanted to know him.

So, I set off on a mission...

I wrote a letter to his sister to see if she had known where he was. I wasn't sure what kind of response I was going to get. I prepared myself for the worst but what I got was an answered prayer.

I remember the day the phone rang, one of my brothers answered then yelled,

"SHERRY!!! IT'S A BOY!!!"

How embarrassing!

Then I hear the voice on the other end say,

"Sherry?"

"Yes?"

"I hear you are looking for your grandfather?"

"Yes?"

"Well, I am your grandfather."

Tears flowed like water.

I couldn't believe it!

He was alive and he called me.

For years he had felt that his family would reject him. Afraid they wouldn't forgive him for what he did.

As the conversation went on I learned he had remarried, where he was living, and how he would love to meet us.

"I wish my dad was home so he could talk to you."

He never thought my dad would return that phone call but he did.

23 years ago my dad reunited with his dad. It had been decades since he last saw him but now their relationship is complete again.

My grandpa will be 91 this year. It has been a blessing to get to know him. It has been great to know my dad has filled a void.

I love stories with happy endings.

Valentine's Day

Yesterday, was Valentine's Day...

I agree with most people, it's a Hallmark holiday. Why not show people you love them all year? I love getting gifts, cards, and flowers just as much as anyone else but if my husband only bought them once a year, does he think about me the other 364?

Why is it that early November the baby nursery at the hospital is full? Why aren't love and passion shown the rest of the year?

Maybe I am being negative, I don't mean to be. This world is in need of people who show love everyday. Maybe the divorce rate wouldn't be so high if your spouse knew you love them 365 days a year. Maybe our children wouldn't look for love somewhere else, in someone else, if they knew their parents love them.

Okay, I am done with my little rant

With that said, I love my husband, I love my kids, I love my family, and I love my friends. If ever any of you don't know that I love you every day feel free to let me know...

But for the record, if Bill ever forgot me on Valentines Day, I might be a little upset!

He's gonna have to deal with it!

I can't tell you the times that people have said to me they can't tell Jacob and Joshua apart. I've heard about their strong genes. They have been thought to be twins.

The older they get and the closer in height they get, I can see where it could be confusing.

Joshua, for the past few days, has been into doing his hair in a mohawk. He is so excited to have his own bottle of "glue" and does most of the work by himself. This morning, however, Jacob wanted to have a mohawk too. I am fine with it, it's a passing craze just like everything else! Joshua had the biggest fit! He insisted that he did not want Jacob to look like him and why Jacob couldn't just think of his own hairstyle blah, blah, blah...

I said, "Son, have you ever looked in the mirror? Have your teachers ever called you by the wrong name? You both look alike, you might as well accept it!" The argument went on for the next ten minutes or so. I didn't quite understand what the big deal was, they're brothers they are going to look alike!

I tell them to get their shoes and coats on we have to get to school. I walk outside and they are playing basketball. I later find out that they are making a deal. If Jacob loses, he is not allowed to wear his hair in a mohawk again. If Joshua loses, Jacob is allowed to wear his hair any way he wants. Sounds like they have it all worked out but I promise, this will not end good.

So, the funny part of this whole thing is they were wearing the EXACT same outfits this morning. When I mentioned that fact, "I don't care about that!" is the reply I got.

Who can figure it?

One of these days, they are going to get along.

One of these days they will take it as a compliment that they look alike.

One of these days...

I have been telling Tyler lately...

to walk softly on my heart. It does seem like that long ago that the young man you see today with a full beard was once my baby boy.

I didn't know what to do with him when I brought him home from the hospital. It was hard to imagine being responsible for this new life.

This was always one of my favorite pictures. I loved that face he used to make!

What a handsome boy he was!

I thought if I was going to embarrass him with some old pictures I better throw one in of myself.

Boy, was I mad at him when he took that chunk out of his hair! But it makes a cute picture now.

I have been reminiscing these past few weeks because I can not believe that the little boy I once held in my arms will be eighteen this year. You want them to chase their dreams but that means you have to let go, and I am finding that easier said than done. College is right around the corner and I find myself wondering how do I make it through graduation day?

Soon enough the day comes when he comes home and tells you about his girlfriend. It just crushes your heart. Not because you don't wish him happiness but because you realize that some day someone will become his bride. She will then become the most important woman in his life.

How I would love to hold on.

How I would love to go back and rock that baby boy to sleep.

How I would love to stop time just for a little while but I can't.

I have to learn how to embrace the changes that life brings.

My kids are going to grow up, I always knew that but what I don't know is how to fill the hole it leaves.

I can't always protect them. I can't stop them from being hurt. I can't prevent mistakes they will make. I can only hold them in my arms for a little while. I loved them first and I will always love them. I pray that I have taught them what they need to know when they head out in the world. I hope they know that they will always have a piece of my heart. I hope they know that I will be there for them as long as God gives me breath.

Oh, how I love you Tyler and I always will

but remember my heart is fragile

HANDLE IT WITH CARE!

A little humor

Okay, how about a little funny. Life doesn't always have to be so serious!

I miss my kids being little and learning to talk. It's funny that once they learn how to say a word right they don't seem to remember saying it wrong. Here is a list of some of the funny ways they used to pronounce some words.

The vocabulary of a Looman boy...

bow-gock; backpack used for carrying kids

twinkling; what it's doing outside when it is barely raining

cheese biggles; cheeseburgers

moat; milk...duh?

hojo; another word for cereal

Bit; for some reason, was what Joshua and Isaiah called Jacob?

Oh-no; what Isaiah called Joshua

Beemah; grandma

Bampaw; grandpa

For Peeten snakes; for Pete's sake

jimming pool; the swimming pool

sha-ber-rees; batteries

skew; screw

skew-guy-ger; would be a screwdriver

I ud you; I love you

res-ter-nont; restaurant

owe owe; oil

strawbiggies; strawberries

ho-tail; hotel

glubs; gloves

ockles; waffles

heggy; heavy

bice-ee; spicy

talkie; coffee

napcan; napkin

dip dop; is a flip flop

eye bulb; eye ball

Let's not forget...

Thomas and Jerry

"put another dime in the "juice" box baby"

Oh, how I miss those days...

Right where I need to be...

I know it's been said over and over again but with every passing day I find it's true.

As I look back at my life there are times I wanted to

~be someone else

~live somewhere else

~do something else

How I wanted to be rich when I was younger. I wanted to live in that big house like the kids I went to school with. I wanted my parents to get a new car just like everyone else. I was a kid, it was all about fitting in.

As I got older, I wanted to meet (who am I kidding, I wanted to marry) Jon Bon Jovi, Kirk Cameron, Joey Tempest...

Then, Tim McGraw, boy, was I mad when he married Faith Hill, Why? Because I stood a chance?!?!

As years passed, I wasted my time, never went to college, never got that big career, the one I dreamed about. I remember wanting to be a teacher, I remember my imaginary class, my grade book, each of my "students" (they even had their own personalities).

Life went on, I settled for that dead end job but it paid the bills. So, I kept it.

But, along the way, you don't think about the people who cross your path. How you are in their life whether you want to be or not, whether it's your dream job or not.

You are there.

Sometimes, I look back and remember the people that had an effect on my life. I met them right there where I was and where they were. Maybe, they were friendly maybe they weren't but they all had an impact.

Had I not been there, I wouldn't have met some of the best people in my life.

Had I not been there, I wouldn't be who I am today.

Had I not been there, I wouldn't have met the man I love.

Had I not been there, I wouldn't be here.

I believe that I am right where I am meant to be. Right here with people who need me and people I need.

Not rich people

Not famous people

But real people, people with problems, people who don't have it all together, people who love me and my imperfections.

Everyone needs someone to love them

Everyone needs someone to help them through

Everyone needs someone to hold on when they want to let go

Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on

My life may have not turned out the way I planned. That big house, that new car, that fame, that job never happened but I have so much more. God has surrounded me by the people I need to be surrounded by.

And I can say without a doubt that

I know I am right where I need to be...

I wish I had all the answers...

For some reason lately Isaiah has been full of questions. Questions I don't have answers to. Here is an example of our conversation in the car traveling on Christmas day:

Mom, is Aunt Mandy's house blue?

Yes it is a bluish gray

Does she still live there with Uncle Jon?

No, she lives in Heaven

Why does she live in Heaven?

Because she went to live with Jesus

What does her house look like?

She lives in a big mansion now with streets made of gold

Why did she go live with Jesus?

(Bill please answer him because I can't)

Sometimes, God decides that it time for you to go live with him

Can I go see Aunt Mandy in Heaven?

Someday, God will call you and it will be your time

Will I see her when I get there?

Yes you will

But I don't know if I will remember what she looks like?

She will standing at the pearly gate waiting for you with her arms wide open. She will be the one calling you handsome because that's what she always called you

How will I get to Heaven? It's way up in the sky and I can't fly

Jesus will let you know when and He will call you

But what if I can't hear him?

You will buddy when it's your time but I hope it's not anytime soon

As I sit here typing this, he comes up to me with a present from yesterday and says, "I want to give this to Aunt Mandy, if I hold it up to the sky, will she reach down and get it?"

All I can do is smile and fight back the tears.

My baby was only two and a half when he lost her. He will miss out in this life on the opportunity to know the best aunt a child could ask for. But I will make sure he remembers her, I will make sure that when he gets to those pearly gates, he will know exactly who he's looking for!

It's been an emotional Christmas for me. Most days, I am okay but I can't handle the questions. I can't understand it either, how can I expect my kids to. It's been three and a half years but still feels like yesterday.

I never thought I would have to answer these questions. I always thought we'd laugh and cry together, complain about our husbands together, raise families together, grow old together.

Hug your kids, kiss your husband, call that relative, tell them you love them.